Reflections....

Now we see in a mirror, dimly, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know FULLY, even as I am fully known.  1 Corinthians 13:12.  This just seemed to be a good place to start when talking about reflections.  What do we see in a mirror?  Only what we put in front of it that is adequately illuminated to be seen.  Each day I think God has illuminated a little bit more of the reflection to be able to see and understand what it is that He has done in Jadelyn's life, and in my own.  

We are in awe of the miracle of healing that He has brought about in Jadelyn's life.  Her ability to fight and recover and bounce back to "normal" has left us humbled and exhausted =).  How can this little person seem to have no pain?  How are we going to keep her "quiet" for another 5 weeks?  We understand that bone healing takes time.  When you break an arm or leg they put a cast on it to protect and restrict the bone while it is healing.  You can't (or at least don't want to) put a chest cast on a three year old, so the only protection her sternum gets is what she gives it.  We are constantly on guard to make sure she isn't crawling around the floor, running with Jeremiah, or wresting with Joel.  

We went to Jadelyn's first post-op recheck this morning.  She is healing very well.  The EKG and echo were very normal with little evidence that she had surgery only 8 days ago.  She will continue to be on some medication for another week, but our next recheck is scheduled for a month from now.  We anticipate being released to completely return to normal activities. Again, all praise to our loving, awesome God that we know has worked in her life.

That brings me to what I am finding to be the hardest question I've had to answer in all this.  Why?  It started with the unbearable, why does my daughter have to go through this?  And I still don't have an answer.  There isn't a way to make this fair or right.  She did nothing to deserve it.  Like the man born blind in John 9, nothing was done that made this happen.  It happened to display the work of God in her life.  What a story she has.

I also found myself thinking a lot about her birth parents in China.  Why am I able to give this beautiful girl something they were not able to?  Why are the systems in place that separate families?  Why am I allowed to enjoy and celebrate my daughter's life while they mourn the loss of a daughter that they will never see grow up?  Again, I have no answers.  I pray that wherever her family is that they will, one, have the opportunity to know Jesus so that some day we are all united in Heaven as one big family.  And, two, that they will have a sense of supernatural peace that she is ok, is loved, and that they are remembered and honored for giving her life.  

Finally, I have struggled with why did God choose to heal my daughter?  Why is she healed while another family suffers unimaginable loss.  Why have I cried with families as they grieved by empty beds and my arms are full?  Again, I have no answers.  I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and that God listens to the prayers of His people.  Danae and I were so honored that so many people contacted us and encouraged us with their prayers on Jadelyn's behalf.  But I also believe He hears the single mother crying all alone.  I do not think that I had so great a faith that God was unnaturally motivated to heal Jadelyn.  I never doubted that he COULD but never did I feel the complete assurance that He WOULD.  I have come to believe that God's character is independent of my circumstances.  He is Good.  He is Faithful.  He is Merciful.  He is Loving.  It's not about my actions or level of faith, I can't manipulate God to do what I want Him to do, but I can trust in His character that does not change.  

I don't know why God's plan is different for each person or family.  A passage that came to mind as I was reflecting is John 21:15-22 where Jesus is talking to Peter and about the call for Peter's life.  Jesus told Peter that he would die a martyr's death.  Peter then asked "What about John?"  Jesus replied, "If I want him to live until I come, what is that to you?  You follow Me."  Jesus has a unique plan for each of our lives.  He will use unique circumstances in each life to bring about that plan.  Why does the plan for my life and Jadelyn's life include healing?  I don't know, but I will follow Him.  I pray that as you experience circumstances in your life that you can also say, "I may not fully understand, but I will follow Him".  

If you've made it this far, thanks for reflecting with me.  I hope you are able to reflect what God has done in your life.  Thank you also for walking with us.  We continue to be overwhelmed as we continue to experience your love and encouragement for our family.  The meals, cards, and gifts have been an unexpected but unbelievable blessing.  May God richly bless each of your lives with His presence and His grace!